Not so 50/50

Congratulations.... I like you!
You made me feel a different way.
Something tells me this might be right...

I'll keep the butterflies contained for a while
... but don't get freaked when they break loose.
'cause don't forget... you did it after all!

Waking up to your texts "Good Morning Beautiful"
it makes a better day.
I can't say that I didn't dream of you... my mind cant forget you.

My heart beats for you... mind eyes sparkles for you
I love the way you make me feel.
I feels so exciting.... I think its finally real!

You how I feel, right? You feel it too?
That's fine babe.... I'll let you go.
.. but call me tomorrow so I can hear your voice

Your calls become distant...
I miss you... when can I see you again?
Ok... maybe tomorrow.

I'm here in the middle....Where are you?
I thought we said we'd meet right here.
I don't think you are going to show.

No more good morning.... no more goodnight.
I'm forgetting what it feels like to be in your arms.
... but I'm sure she's got you right by her side.

Don't think for a minute that Im ok with this.
I can't bend for you anymore.
Where have you been all the while?

If you're giving pieces of your heart away...
then I just cant do this.
I want it all or nothing at all.

I thought it was different but its happening again.
You made my heart beat
.. but now you are just beating it.

Just go... I went to the end for you...
I'm wondering how I'll get back.
I'll find a way to get back to me.

I know you'll miss me.... I know you're right there.
Just keeping your mind from thinking...
Im so far gone... and not looking back.

You had me
You lost me
All you have left are your thoughts.

Back to school back to school.... To prove to Dad that Im not a fool.

Well dear friends.... You will be happy to know that I have made the decision to enroll in college and get a higher education. I recently was fired from my job after 4 years od hard work and loyalty. Although I don't feel valued and unappreciated by the company I worked for, for so long.. I feel like this is a blessing in disguise. I avoided taking the risks I needed to take for so because I was comfortable with what I was doing. Since I couldn't take the necessesary steps to make the changes I neede to take, life made that decision for me. I hope this time around I take control of my destiny and do what I need to better my life.

New Roommates!!!

So... When I lost one roommate.. I gained 2 more! My friends Monica and Cassie moved into my house this weekend. Im pretty excited about it to say the least. They pretty much lived here anyways so why not pack up and move in! :) We had to do a little re-arranging but we came up with a pretty decent living arrangment. I stayed in the sweeet as loft, Monica and Cassie are now in the master bedroom and Laurel and Lij are now the Trudys from the downstairs! I feel like this living situation is going to be a very prosperous journey!

(Elijah insisted that I mention that he just read my mind)

As a side note... WTF is up with this "Spring weather"???? Im sick of seeing the snow in March and April. Its really starting to piss me off for reals!!!! Hurry Spring.. get here so I can be HAPPY!!!!! :)

Off you go...

Pack your bags, load up the truck and hit the road. Find your place in this world, my friend. Theres many things worth finding and many chances worth taking. As much as it hurts to see you leave, I can only truely admit that you were meant for something more. I never thought it would be this tough to say goodbye and every day closer, makes it that much harder. You have been there for me every step of the way for the last 10 years. I cant thank you enough for the friendship you have given me, and the memories we have shared.

Some of my best memories consist of high school days, walking everywhere we went before we had cars and licenses, Dancing to Britney and Jessica for hours with the high school gang, California trips, Our road trip to Idaho to see Carrie Underwood, C*nt Wrap Supreme ;), Countless drunken nights at the clubs and bars, birthday parties, moving into the apartment in the Aves with you and Heidi, Saturday nights in Park City, Sitting around watching reality tv at the house, breakfast, lunch and dinner with your mom and little bro, going to the movies on Subday, taking shots, dancing and singing like fools, laughing our asses off... all the good times and not so good times... I wouldn't trade it for anything in this whole world!

You are more than my best friend and partner in crime... You are my family. You mean so much to me, more than I could ever imagine. I know we have had some rocky times along the way but we always stayed as tight as can be and never left in anger. We would always come back to the same silly situations and laugh it off immediately. Im glad I had the chance to learn so much about who you are and what you stand for. You are a determined person and you have the whole world within your reach.. I know you will do great things in your life. Im so happy to have been your friend for the last 10 years.

So to my dear friend, This is not the end.. its only your beginning! Dont be afraid to jump without a net, never let anyone doubt your abilitiy to reach for the stars, dont ever forget where you came from and all the people who love you. With this time while you are away.. I too will find my destiny. Thank you so much for teaching me so much... and yes, I will miss your singing coming from the basement. :)

So long my friend, I will miss you. I know we will always stay true friends to eachother and distance will only further validate how strong our friendship really is.

I wont say goodbye to you, So i'll just say good night.

Love you Trudy! :)

Back burner kind of girl

I wrote this a long time ago and blogged it on myspace but since my space is dead to me.. I wanted to blog it properly.

Its not the best place to be
Its not the spot
Its never quite as hot

You're always 2nd best
...the runner up
You'll never be quite enough

You think he's thinkin of you
but he's not
not even a thought

He might just come around
and realize you're something great
You'll tell yourself its not too late.

You try to measure up to beat the best
you try so hard
You have nothing left

you take 2nd seat its not enough
to win his heart....
you're standing in the same place
you just lost the race

You hold him high... above them all
he doesn't know yet
but he's quick to fall

He'll hit the bottom...
and open his eyes....
and realize in his heart is where you lye

a penny short... a day too late
you've walked away
you refused to wait

...to wait for the day to be the girl
who consumes his thoughts...
who rocked his world

But now its done, Its come and gone
to think he was the one?...
but you were wrong.

You'll see my friend, someone will see
that you're the one
...the girl to beat.

So forget the back burner
forget 2nd place
he'll come to find out...
He just lost the race.

Im trying...

I need to understand my worth. I need to believe that I deserve great things. I should never let people take advantage of my kindness. I shouldn't feel a need for attention, especially from the wrong people. I should know better that to bend for those who try to break me. I shouldn't wonder if he's thinking of me... I should just feel confident enough to know that it doesn't matter if he is or not. I should know when someone is lying to me for their own selfish reasoning. I shouldn't have to blog about the things that make me mad because it means I've allowed it all to bring me down and affect my happiness. I need to be content in my surroundings. I need to understand that I cant change certain things... so I'll be a lot happier if I accept the road that fate is taking me down.

SUGAR BOWL 2009 CHAMPIONS!

All I'm going to say is that I told you so!!!!!!
GO UTES!!!!!!